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Image: JR P
If you, sirs, would permit it,
I’d prefer to go on living.
After everything and having thought it over carefully, I have
no motives to protest or complain:
I always lived in glory: I have never
lacked anything necessary.
It’s correct that I never wanted the impossible; enamored
of the things of this world unconsciously and with pain and fear and urgency.
Very closely, I have known unforgivable happiness; I have had
startling dreams and good romances, swift and implicating.
It’s shameful seeing myself covered in pretenses; a clumsy chicken,
melancholy, weak, of little interest,
a fan of feathers the wind dispels,
a footpath time has scratched.
Impulses bit into my youth and now, without realizing it, I’m entering
into a balanced maturity, capable of driving anyone insane or boring them quickly.
My mistakes have been entirely forgotten; my memory has died and it complains
with the other gods stranded in sleep and in doubt.
The perishable, the dirty, the future knew to daunt me, but I have defeated them
forever; I know that future and memory will prevail one day.
I will pass unnoticed, with false humility, like Cinderella, although some
might remember me with affection or discover my shoe and also go on to die.
I won’t throw out the possibility
of fame and money; carnal passions and inclemency.
Cruelty doesn’t frighten me and I always lived
floored by good alcohol, a well-written book, perfectly-done meat.
I tend to trust my strength and my health
and my destiny and good luck:
I know that I will come to see the revolution, that feared
and cherished leap, banging on the door of our apathy.
I am sure of coming to live in the heart of a word;
sharing this heat, this fatality that, quieted, becomes worthless and rots.
I can speak and listen to the light
and color of the skin of a lover and an enemy and a close friend.
Touch dream and defect,
be born with each tremble of escape.
Stumblings, fatal wounds;
hope and pain and weariness and will.
To be speaking, to hold
this victory, this fist; to wave hello, goodbye.
Without disdain I can say
that life is the best that I know.
• • •
Si ustedes lo permiten,
prefiero seguir viviendo.
Después de todo y de pensarlo bien, no tengo
motivos para quejarme o protestar:
siempre he vivido en la gloria: nada
importante me ha faltado.
Es cierto que nunca quise imposibles; enamorado
de las cosas de este mundo con inconsciencia y dolor y miedo y apremio.
Muy de cerca he conocido la imperdonable alegría; tuve sueños espantosos y buenos amores, ligeros y
culpables.
Me avergüenza verme cubierto de pretensiones; una gallina torpe,
melancólica, débil, poco interesante,
un abanico de plumas que el viento desprecia,
caminito que el tiempo ha borrado.
Los impulsos mordieron mi juventud y ahora, sin darme cuenta, voy iniciando
una madurez equilibrada, capaz de enloquecer a cualquiera o aburrir de golpe.
Mis errores han sido olvidados definitivamente; mi memoria ha muerto y se queja
con otros dioses varados en el sueño y los malos sentimientos.
El perecedero, el sucio, el futuro, supo acobardarme, pero lo he derrotado para siempre; sé que futuro y
memoria se vengarán algún día.
Pasaré desapercibido, con falsa humildad, como la Cenicienta, aunque algunos
me recuerden con cariño o descubran mi zapatito y también vayan muriendo.
No descarto la posibilidad
de la fama y del dinero; las bajas pasiones y la inclemencia.
La crueldad no me asusta y siempre viví
deslumbrado por el puro alcohol, el libro bien escrito, la carne perfecta.
Suelo confiar en mis fuerzas y en mi salud
y en mi destino y en la buena suerte:
sé que llegaré a ver la revolución, el salto temido
y acariciado, golpeando a la puerta de nuestra desidia.
Estoy seguro de llegar a vivir en el corazón de una palabra;
compartir este calor, esta fatalidad que quieta no sirve y se corrompe.
Puedo hablar y escuchar la luz
y el color de la piel amada y enemiga y cercana.
Tocar el sueño y la impureza,
nacer con cada temblor gastado en la huida.
Tropiezos heridos de muerte;
esperanza y dolor y cansancio y ganas.
Estar hablando, sostener
esta victoria, este puño; saludar, despedirme.
Sin jactancias puedo decir
que la vida es lo mejor que conozco.
Francisco “Paco” Urondo was an Argentine writer, journalist, and revolutionary who was killed in the early stages of the Dirty War in 1976 at the age of 46. In his short lifetime he wrote 18 works of poetry, short stories, testimonial writing, and essays, along with plays and scripts for the screen. He held a position as Minister of Culture in Santa Fe and became director of the department of literature at the University of Buenos Aires after being imprisoned for his leftist militancy and released in 1973. Urondo was an active member of the Montoneros guerrilleros and then FAR (Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias), until he was targeted and assassinated by the Argentine state within three months of the ‘76 military coup.
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